anakiddwrites

 Light and shadow, thorns and roses; Valkyrie's path walks through every tone between black and white, but their bond only gets stronger. This October builds up to be specially meaningful for them.

Pierre.

What a boring, dumb, cliché name for a french guy.

Everytime it rolled out from Shu’s tongue, Mika felt like needles were piercing through his skin. Just a small, quick stab, apparently harmless, but prone to pile up and create a deep wound… Carving into his skin little by little, until inevitably reaching the bones and causing severe damage. Mika can feel it getting there, even though he has no means to fight it.

All he can do is fake a smile and clench his fist behind his back until it bleeds.

“Pierre showed me the Louis Vuitton Foundation”, Oshi-san says. “This sunday Pierre will help me to move some things to the apartment.” Oshi-san says. “I’m going to an art exhibition tomorrow night!” Oshi-san says, and Mika smiles. “Pierre got me the tickets.” Oshi-san says, and Mika clenches teeth.

“Nice, Oshi-san! It’s gonna be super interestin’ fer ya ne?!

Fuck Pierre.

“Have fun!!!”

FUCK PIERRE.

Mika never comments about Pierre, but also never shows animosity over him. He tries his goddamn best to sound neutral or Oshi-san might stop mentioning the guy altogether, something thousand times worse than knowing details of their relationship and having a delusional sense of control.

A relationship that sounds rather normal and friendly without any romantic innuendo if you aren’t Mika Kagehira, yearning for Shu Itsuki from the other side of the world. He wasn’t ready to have Oshi-san getting close to people he has no way to reach and make sure they know Shu is his Oshi-san. Well… he wasn’t ready to have Oshi-san getting close to more people in general/.

Part of him was comfortable with the fact Shu was antisocial and picky so he didn’t fear someone like Pierre would happen anytime soon. Shu Itsuki, the eccentric, the cutting-edge artist, making friends and hanging out with people he barely knew in Europe? If you told Mika about this possibility, he would just laugh it off as a joke.

And now look at him, pathetically checking the social media of a stranger after hours of lurking and stalking the photos of places Shu had been with him. Oshi-san didn’t like this kind of exposure so he wasn’t online, but Mika crossed dates and descriptions, after days of casually making Shu talk more about details like outfits and accessories mixed in the conversation.... until he finally found the right account.

A tall, blond, green-eyed french guy, wearing a hair bun and moon earrings… nothing unusual, but Shu had mentioned - and praised - the leather necklace Pierre made himself. No doubt it was this guy. The most threatening existence to Mika Kagehira at this moment.

When Mika zoomed into the pictures, he wheezed loudly and brought the phone almost up to his nose, wide odd eyes staring at the smiling man. .

“Whore…” He hissed, annoyed at the fact Pierre was undeniably handsome and stylish. A fresh college student, smart and cultured… a fully human.

How could a half-baked Pinocchio even compare?

The phone was shoved under the pillow before Mika buried his face on it, his whole body shivering. The needle was finally ripping through the flash all the way to the bones - a severe blow delivered by Mika’s own hands in the end.

“I hate him… I hate him so much… I hate i-it…”

“I hate myself.”

Mumbling curses to himself and Pierre and France and the whole world, Mika fell asleep feverishly to painful dreams of abandonment.

This pattern repeated for the next couple days, Mika too busy stalking Pierre’s account to even answer any of Shu’s texts and messages. Just the idea of hearing about their get-togethers was making him sick of the stomach, even though missing Oshi-san’s contact deeply. Even though Shu was still trying to contact him everyday.

“Why, even…” He sighed at another incoming message, late at night alone in his dorm bed. “Yer don’t even need me anymore… Nnnha… go ask Pierre or somethin’!!! I bet that’s what yer wanna do!!! Jus’ marry him already!!!!”

Mika turned the phone off on a whim, covering himself with blankets for another sleepless night full of bad dreams. These were turning disturbingly real, to the point Mika woke up in a cold sweat and fully believing Pierre was the new member of Valkyrie in his place.

 “No… no… hnnggg...” He looked out the window slowly, a heavy headache numbing his thoughts and unfocused eyes staring at the first morning sun rays. Sitting up felt like a herculean task so he just whined and rolled to the side, feverish and spiraling back to the bad places still luring in the corners of his mind.

 “Oshi-san.. O-Oshi-san… sorry… I’m a b-bad doll for real…”

 “KAGEHIRA!”

 The thundering familiar voice invaded the room so suddenly that Mika barely reacted to Shu Itsuki himself taking off his sunglasses and heading to the bedside after slamming the door open.

 “Why didn’t you answer my messages???”

 “..... Oshi...san…?” Mika tilted his head slowly, still not fully aware. “Ah.. ahahha… I’m still dreamin’...”

 “Do I look like a dream to you??” Shu huffed, sitting on the bed and pinching Mika’s nose just enough to prove his point. “What are you doing… you didn’t answer anyone’s messages for two days then I took an emergency flight to check myself. And you have the audacity to say I’m not real?”

 “... Ouchie..!! Ah… so is it really… Oshi-san..?” Mika frowned involuntarily, visibly shivering and turning eyes away. “W-Why though… havin’ all this trouble…”

 “Why??” Shu’s eyes widened, his tone confused. A deep sight and his expression softened, though. “Kagehira. What’s wrong? You’re looking… neglected. Do you have a fever?”

 “I’m fine!” Mika lied, whining as Shu’s palm touched his forehead. “Yer’ere ta control me again??? I’m in the dorms like yer wanted, what else now??”

 Mika spitted the words more harshly than he intended, but he didn’t apologize, biting his lips and huffing. Oshi-san created all that mess during Neverland just to throw him aside for the first fancy european with a dumb name just few weeks later, after all.

 “Oshi-san’s so cruel… so cruel...” He mumbled, fists clenching involuntarily and eyes watering up very fast.

 Shu was taken aback by that reaction on top of Mika’s condition. He was obviously a mess, too pale and weak, so Shu didn’t even need to ask if he had been eating and drinking water. Then the next thing the leader did was pick up a bottle from his bag and offer it to Mika without any words.

 That silence was for the best and Mika felt compelled to comply, sitting and drinking slowly at first and then almost swallowing it all. He was more thirsty than he realized, it seems… Meanwhile Shu started to peel an apple in silence, letting Mika quiet with his thoughts before speaking up again. Watching him mistreating himself was painful, but for it to turn so bad so fast, it had to be a reason.

 “I’m sorry.” Shu finally said, almost a whisper. “I’m not here to tell you what to do… I just want to understand what is happening.” A pause, looking for appropriate words. “I’ve been under the impression that something isn’t right.”

 “R-right??!!” Mika perked up, alert. “W-what does that mean??!”

 “We aren’t talking about anything serious until you eat a little bit.” Shu said assertively, filling a spoon of the apple now mushed in the plate and offering it to Mika casually. “Not too fast, or is going to be hard on your stomach.”

 “N-nnha??” Mika blushed violently, taken by surprise. Didn’t Shu understand the severity of that gesture?? “F-fuwa… O-Oshi-san…”

 However, his defenses melted just enough for him to sit straight and be spoon fed a bit of apple. It was sweet and soft and Mika imagined Shu picked it up knowing exactly how ripped the fruit should be to please his palate the best. Oshi-san knew so much about how his tastes and how his body worked… and yet, he failed so hard in other aspects it was unbelievable. Such an annoying combination…

 “Do you like it?” Shu broke the silence softly, getting a nod from Mika and then smiling a bit, making the younger one blush more. “You ate more than I expected.”

 “Why… why are ya’ere, Oshi-san…? What’s not right…?” Mika mumbled, fiddling with the sleeves of his pajamas. The softness of the moment calmed his troubled mind a little, but he couldn’t fully enjoy it with the ongoing struggle.

 Shu looked down to the apple leftovers and placed it aside, getting some seconds to gather courage and look into Mika’s eyes with honesty again.

 “I’m… I thought I was progressing in my efforts to connect with humans, but I’m afraid I might have overestimated my achievements… and lost sight of a few important things. After Neverland I… I thought our frequent communication was going well, but that’s not quite true, isn’t it?”

 “Hmmg….” Mika frowned, looking away. “If yer have anythin’ ta say, just say it… all this blabberin’ makes my headache worse.”

 “Anything to say…” Shu repeated calmly, leaning forward and covering Mika’s cold hand with his own. “Shouldn’t that be my line to you, Kagehira?”

 Mika didn’t move an inch despite the gesture, even though the needle was cracking his bones again.

 “I was ready for you to whine about Pierre from the first time I mentioned him. I was pleasantly surprised when you didn’t.”

 Mika’s expression twisting like his body was being pierced was a sign Shu should proceed with caution, but also that it was the right direction. He instinctively held Mika’s hand, softly like a bird landing on a leaf.

 “But I was wrong… I was a fool for not realizing sooner it was exactly the opposite. That is very common for humans to leave the most important things unsaid, covering a bed of thorns with a thousand roses.”

 Ah.

 He had been caught.

 Mika felt like a fool trying desperately to deceive everyone but failing at the essential. He couldn’t run from himself for long without consequence, so it was all useless. He became blindly angry at Oshi-san for hiding important things from him, things that he assumed were true in his mind, but... the real culprit of such a thing was only himself.

 This truth undisclosed hurt like a needle shattering inside his flesh and spreading shards everywhere, translating in a loud, ugly crying outburst in the real world.

 Mika hugged his knees and buried his face on them, soon feeling Shu’s hands on his shoulders and hearing his voice asking for him to calm down, an impossible request to someone sure he would be rightfully thrown away right now.

 “I-I’ve f-failed…” Mika shook his head strongly, his voice broken. “I’ve failed tryin’… to be human… I failed too bad… I’m s-so sorry… I’m n-no good...”

 “You didn’t at all, Kagehira.” Shu said it so confidently and almost happily that the crying boy focused on him again amidst his turmoil of emotions. “You’re fully human.”

 “H-how…? I…hide i-important things from O-Oshisan… I… t-thought other bad, b-bad things…” Mika’s deep eyes stared at his leader confused and hurt, unsure why Oshi-san looked so peaceful. “S-so many things I’m ashamed of now… I’m a r-real mess...”

 “Right. You did all that…” Shu sighed softly, part of him also ashamed for not realizing such obvious things sooner in his life. “That’s what humans do all the time, Kagehira. These emotions… aren’t a sin or a death penalty for your soul.”

 Shu picked up a handkerchief to wipe Mika’s tears slowly, cleaning his stained face while explaining his point further and hoping to reach the boy’s heart.

 “You just need to learn to tame it to not be eaten up alive by them. Every single human on this planet is the same. You and I aren’t exceptions… and it’s a very, very new world to both of us. We’re fated to stumble on rocks, prickle our fingers and get lost sometimes. But that’s also nothing new to us, right?”

 Shu nestled closer to Mika, making him blow his nose and then discarding the handkerchief with a small huff. Then he picked his comb to fix the boy’s unruly hair at least a little bit. Mika leaned in the comforting presence, closing eyes. More than any fancy words, the small gestures said anything he needed to feel grounded.

 “And as long as we have each other to lick our wounds and return to the right path… we’ll be fine. I…” An unplanned pause, as Shu realized his own cheeks were burning red. “I believe in us.”

 That wasn’t the conclusion he had in mind when trying to convey his feelings to Kagehira, but… it wasn’t unpleasant too, rather the opposite. It sounded fitting to welcome the following silence between them.

 “So…” Mika mumbled lazily, eyes still closed. “Pierre is jus’… a random dude…”

 “Don’t be a brat now.” Shu chuckled despite the words, light-hearted. “He’s a friend… he helped me to realize things I was blind to… he was the one who suggested you could be feeling lonely and jealous.”

 “Nnnhaa.. so nice of he.. hm… w-wait…!!!” Mika snorted out loud, wide eyes suddenly staring at Shu. “DID YA TALK ABOUT ME??”

 Ops.

 Shu’s mouth opened and closed a couple times, but his lips sealed in a quiet huff while he looked away, covering his face and suddenly more embarrassed than he anticipated. Mika just intensely gazed at him before opening a smirk, his baby fang pointing out.

 “Oshi-san talked about me… ♪ to his french friend… ~”

 “S-shut…!” The leader gasped, trying to recover his composure. “T-that’s normal, isn’t it? You’re my… my… my other half, after all.”

 “... I’m what…?” Mika tilted his head, genuinely curious to the words Oshi-san left in the air. “Oshi-sannnn… no hidin’ stuff and all that jazz, am I right?” A poking to Shu’s side followed, making him whine audibly. Perhaps Mika was a little bit too happy about delivering his words back to him so fast.

 He wasn’t wrong, though.

 Shu rubbed his eyes, thinking about the heart-to-heart talk him and Pierre had about Valkyrie and his relationship with Mika. European people are sure straightforward, but his push sure was the reason Shu was able to fly back so fast with a goal in mind. Pierre would dunk him if he ruined everything now.

 “Kagehira… let me show you something.” He sighed, grabbing his phone and looking for a picture, Mika quickly nestled close to him. A group of people at a table in an artsy restaurant came up, Shu among them. Pierre was there too smiling at the camera, next to another young man with an arm over his shoulder.

 “This is Paresh.” Shu pointed to the dark-skinned man. “Pierre’s fiance, interior designer. He takes classes in the same building as us.”

 “F-fiance??” Mika gasped, absolutely embarrassed now and a little bit annoyed.. “Nnnhaaa, Oshi-san… yer c-could have told me that much from the start!!”

 “I didn’t see reason to go on about Pierre’s personal life!” He huffed, but then shrugged. “I suppose I could have, though, if I knew that would bring you peace of mind. However...”

 “Howeverrrrr…??”

 “I’m not showing this to rub it on your face.”

 “So why, then?” He crossed arms. “‘cause that’s exactly what feels like, yanno!”

 “I’m also… didn’t come here on a whim, like I said before. The tickets were bought a week ago.” He confessed, making Kagehira more confused by the second. “Like I said, I… talked about you to Pierre, quite.. a bit.”

 Shu could feel his heartbeats rising, but he promised he wouldn’t be detained by it anymore.

 “Seeing you hurt like this, now… is quite unsettling for me. I told you many times how important you are to me, how I want to take care of you… even making mistakes, I wish nothing less than the world for you, always. But that’s not enough, isn’t it?” He smiled timidly.

 “Like you said, my roundabouts only give you headaches. Pierre told me something similar, too. He was able to read me like a partiture… it’s quite annoying.”

Shu again softly reached for Mika’s hand, holding it without ceremony and earning a small squeaky from the younger boy.

 “O-Oshi-san??” Now he was as blushy as Shu, heartbeats growing even faster.

“Seeing Pierre and Paresh so happy together too… I experienced feelings of jealousy for the first time in a certain way. Pretty confusing and embarrassing to admit, but I found myself yearning for what they have… as if what w-we already have… isn’t enough…”

“W-what we h-have…?” Mika’s jaw dropped fast, his whole blood freezing inside his veins. But he let Oshi-san continue, flabbergasted.

“My heart was so troubled... I was sure our bond in art couldn’t be deeper and there wouldn’t be need for anything else, however… I can’t avoid greedly wanting for even more.”

“Oshi-san, n-no way…” Mika was almost forgetting to breath, sure he was hallucinating. It was the fever, right? No way Oshi-san would just… say things like that, that’s not like Oshi-san at all.

However, Oshi-san had been changing at a dazzling pace every day. Mika sighed, knowing he shouldn’t be obsessed with the Oshi-san of the past instead of accepting - loving - the blossoming both were experiencing.

“It’s okie to be greedy, Oshi-san… ♪ Please, no more babblin’... ~ tell me what ya wanna fer me...” Mika smiled softly, finally relaxing his shoulders and feeling his bones released from pressure, ready for anything. Shu almost got lost in the brightness of those two-toned eyes, needing a moment to retake the trail of thoughts.

“I… S-so… Kagehira… would you… more than partners in art… beyond Valkyrie’s stage… would you be my partner in love..?”

 Mika stayed quiet for a few moments, as if stunned by a spell, before his eyes watered up completely and he could only throw himself in Shu’s arms, his Oshi-san, the love of his life and the soul his own was devoted to… not like master/servant or god/apostate anymore, just two humans that found home in each other.

“Oshi-sannnnnn…. yer so dramatic….” He whined, feeling that strong arms returning the embrace tight like he was the most precious treasure in the world and impossible to let go. “Of c-course I do..! I love ya! I always… always, always, always loved ya!!! I’ll always, always, always love ya!!! In art, on stage, in hell and heaven…anywher’, any’time!!!”

Once again Shu used a new handkerchief to wipe his boy’s tears, even though his own eyes were betraying his composure - but that just made the purple orbs shine brighter, creating a sight full of life that Mika would never forget in this life and beyond.

“I love you too… my Kagehira.” A large smile flashed through tears, Shu feeling like an invisible burden disappeared from his shoulders. Such simple words, such powerful words he took so long to fully understand. However, they didn’t want to stop dancing in his lips now. “I love you.”

“Wehe. Wehehe. Whehehe!” Feeling dazzled, Mika leaned into the soft touch of Shu’s hand on his cheek, practically purring. “Can Oshi-san… say it again… ♪”

“Feeling spoiled, aren’t we? It can’t be helped… ~ I love you ♪ I love you ♪” Shu brought him closer while giggling, until he was whispering in the boy’s ear without realizing. “I love you… ♪ my Kagehira.”

“Wheheehee.. I love my Oshi-san.. ♪” The small shiverings were more than welcome and Mika basked on the affection, eyes half closed and sighing satisfied.

“Pierre’s a nice dude after all… I gotta say thank ya ta him…”

“He can be a handful sometimes, but… I should thank him later, too. When I’m back, in a few days.” Shu cupped Mika’s cheeks, gazing at him with love and adoration. “First of all, we need to have your gears back on track.”

“So that means maintenance, right… ♪” Mika dangerously leaned on very close, a large smirk and sharp gaze taking over his expression. “I miss yer maintenance so, so much, Oshi-san... ~”

“Of… of course, that’s obvious… y-your fever still...” Shu blinked, trying to look away, but Mika cupped his cheek in return, staring at him intensely and tilting his head just a little bit.

“Yeah, I still feel feverish… so… can I be a lill’bit more spoiled, Oshi-san…? ♪” He puffed cheeks, humming the words and caressing Shu’s smooth skin. The pink-haired boy felt at loss for a moment, trapped in that bright eyes again.

“Y-you… already getting all comfortable... “He huffed, but couldn’t hide a half smile as he cleared his throat and closed his eyes. “Such a troublesome partner…”

Mika closed the distance between their lips after a flickering moment of hesitation. Perhaps if that was a dream he would wake up right now, with the fresh but strong taste of Oshi-san’s kiss, better than he could even picture in his own personal fantasies.

But when they parted and opened eyes again, everything was exactly the same as moments ago. As if taking that as definitive evidence of their new reality, both smiled to each other and closed eyes once again, craving more of such gentle intimacy… celebrating this shared love, without rush and eager to grow stronger.